Craig and Ellie's Infinite Playlist
by Making it Shine
Summary: A collection of crellie song-fics. Ratings very for each one.
1. When You're Gone

**Hi guys, this is my collection of crellie song-fics! And no, it has nothing to do with Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, I just thought the name would fit the concept. All of these will be separate from each other, so they're basically one-shots unless I say other wise. Some will be AU, some will go along with the story line from the show, and some will be a mix. That being said, this first song to kick-start this is 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne and takes place after Craig first goes to Vancouver.**

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own any character in this chapter, nor do I own the song.**

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Song: When You're Gone

Artist: Avril Lavigne

Rating:T(suggested sexual content and mentions of self-harm)

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I never thought I'd feel such need for someone before. My dad was always away for the Army, and my mother could barely take care of herself, let alone another person. But when Craig came into my life, that all changed. He taught me that I could actually trust someone besides myself, that I could actually be capable of loving and needing someone.

_xxxxxxxxx_

When I joined his band, everything seemed perfect. We were the best of friends, and then when the wedding gig came around, we became much more than that, and I loved every second of it.

_xxxxxxxxx_

Everything was going great, for once in my life. I had great supportive friends, I got in-touch with my inner musician again, and I found someone who understood me completely, and loved me despite my imperfections. Then, I came to a fork in the road. We played in front of a live audience, and a manager found us. Turns out he only wanted Craig. Craig said it was all of us or none, but could I really let him do that? Could I let Craig give up his dream just so he could stay here? He said he loved me and would never leave, which only made my decision that much more difficult.

_xxxxxxxxx_

That night I told him to go. I said we'd all be fine, that I'd way goodbye, for him. He told me how much he loved me and how he'll think of me always. I ended up loosing my virginity that night.

_xxxxxxxxx_

We stood laced in each other's arms while Leo and Joey talked. I had gone with them to Vancouver to say my official goodbye to Craig.

"I love you El, and I understand that you can't stay here with me. Just know that I'll be thinking of you everyday and every time lyrics for a song come to mind, it'll be for you." He said sweetly. He grabbed my face and passionately kissed me for a few minutes. When we pulled away I was breathless and even though my heart was souring, it was also breaking.

"I love you too Craig." I smiled slightly.

"Come on Ellie, let's get you home." Joey said, walking away to the car. Craig have me one last smile before he turned to walk into his new house.

One,two,three,four steps...

and he was gone

_xxxxxxxxx_

The first two months were hell. My dad had found out he had to stay on the peacekeeping trip even longer, and no matter how hard I tried, it was no use, my mother started drinking again. As soon as I found out I called up Craig, and we talked for hours until he was forced to hang up. Apparently being a singer-song writer was harder than he thought. As the days passed without his help, I spent more and more time staring at a razor, willing myself not to touch it.

_xxxxxxxxx_

Whenever Craig called it was a blessing in disguise. He'd tell me how much he loved me and how cutting wasn't worth the pain, and it'll all be ok again. But the times he didn't call very often were the worst. I get it though, he's livin' the rock-star dream while I'm here, waiting.

_xxxxxxxxx_

I opened my eyes and rolled over, seeing the other side of my bed empty. I remember the nights when he'd sneak into my house from the back door and come into my room with me to stay the night. I shook my head and sighed heavily, I really miss Craig.

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**Ok so that was the first of Craig and Ellie's Infinite Playlist. I'll be updating this randomly, so look out for the next one:)**


	2. Rinse

**Hey, I'm back with another chapter. No, I do NOT own Degarssi or this song. Well, I have the cd that this song is on, so I guess I partially own it, in the sense that I own the cd. Anyway, here ya go.**

**Song: Rinse**

**Artist: Vanessa Carlton**

**Rating:T(language and mention of drug usage) **

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_She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye_

_she would suffer, she fight and compromise._

I smiled slightly as I stared at myself in the mirror. A knee-high corset black dress with sleeves adorned my body. My feet wobbled a little in the heels but eh, who cares right? It was a small sacrifice if it meant I could finally get Craig's attention. And not the 'oh I'm so grateful we're friends, you've really helped me cope' attention. I mean the attention that he showed other girls i.e. Ashley and Manny. The attention that would make him see that I was just as good as them, possibly even better. I was in high hopes that in the first few moments of seeing me all dressed up for him he would realize that I didn't want to be just friends, that I wanted more.

_She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright_

_for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight..._

As I walked down the street I couldn't help but wonder what this night would turn out to be. Would he still consider me one of his best friends and continue to pursue all those trashy girls? Would he laugh at my poor attempt to capture his attention? Or would he see that I could be all he wants and needs, that I could be the one for him. I shook my head, guess I'll just have to see how it goes.

_She must rinse this all away, she can't hold him this way_

_she must rinse this all away, she can't love him this way._

Shame on me right? What I fool I had been to actually have had the slightest hope that we could be something. I really believed that I'd finally had a shot when Ms. Man-eater Manny strolls up in her tight little get-up and basically shot down and chance I had at getting Craig's attention. Even when he came chasing after me after I had lashed out on her, he still didn't have the slightest clue.

"Ellie, wait. What the hell's going on?" He questioned, his eyebrows raising to the top of his head. How could he be so blind! Can't he see that I lo-like him.

"You tell me! You're the one who called her, you're the one who sat there drooling over her all night like some perv! And this, this isn't me...I don't dress up." Damn, I about gave myself away there. Craig's confusion showed clearly on his face.

"I'm flattered?" Yes, as if it were so impossible that he could even consider the thought of me liking him, let alone have the feeling be mutual.

"Don't be! This is for the gig, this doesn't mean anything." I avoided his eyes. With how bad of a lier I am it would be nearly impossible for anyone to not catch on. Anyone except Craig, that is.

_How she'd be soothed how she'd be saved if he could see_

_she needs to be held in his arms to be free._

_But everything happens for reasons that she will never understand_

_'til she knows that the heart of a women can never be found in the arms of a man._

How can I say this in a way that sounds like I'm not bitter. Manny's a slut and Craig's a dumb-ass, there. Of course the next day after the haphazard wedding gig I'm just minding my own business trying to will myself to not ditch school and lay in bed all day with a junk food that would temporarily replace a friend, and in strolls my _very best friend_...and his new, well technically recycled, arm-candy. My jaw drops and I ball my fists. Craig's eyes scan the hall until the land on me. He nods and heads over to me with a "Hey El!" As if last night never happened. As if I hadn't basically slapped him up side the head with my feelings. I slammed my locker and took off quickly, fearing that if I had stayed a moment longer I might have punched Manny...or both of them. I could feel tears starting to form on the inside of my eyes. Why couldn't he just open his damn eyes and see what's right in front of his face?! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I...love him.

_She must rinse this all away, she can't hold him this way_

_she must rinse this all away, she can't love him._

_Damn _her, _Damn_ him, _Damn_ everything! I hate him_._ He's such and idiot and annoying and reckless, and totally inconsiderate of other people's feelings. I shouldn't even be his friend. Friends don't hurt other friends, even if it is unintentional. He's an asshole and I hate him, or at least I wish I did. I wish I hated him the way I did when he cheated on Ash, then I wouldn't be in this mess. I knew he was a heart-breaker and I fell for it anyway.

_And if she runs away she fears she won't be followed_

_what could be worse than leaving something behind._

_And as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow_

_it's loneliness she finds..._

First the band was at an all time high. I was praising Leo, he actually wanted to manage the band. But of course, the universe didn't want princess Ellie Nash to finally have her happy ending with the prince, turns out Leo only wanted Craig. And what could I do? Finally confess my feelings to Craig and beg him to give up his dream and stay in Toronto? If only Craig's happiness was less important than mine, but alas, I encouraged him to go. Surprisingly, he was less than jumping at the chance, claiming this was about the band, not just him. After he considered what I told him, he asked about the others. Joey, Angie, Man-eater. I said they'd be fine.

"What about you?" He had asked. My eyes widened. What _about_ me? A thousand different scenarios ran through my head. Did he think I couldn't function without him? Did he not want to go without me? Was there the light at the end of the tunnel, the happy ending? I pushed those thoughts aside though, this wasn't about me, it was about him and his dream. I wouldn't let anything, even myself, stop him from doing what he loves.

_...if only he was mine._

"I-I'll wave goodbye, because I have to." And I did say goodbye, the very next day. I hugged him as tightly as I could. I didn't want to let him go. But really, I wasn't letting go of anything, because no matter how many times I fantasized and dreamt about it, he was never mine to begin with.

_She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye_

_she would suffer, she fight and compromise._

Things started to change as we got older. I graduated and while Craig was there for it, he was in the wind the very next day. Marco and I went off to university and I even got myself a boyfriend. I, Ellie Nash was officially over Craig Manning. Oh how wrong had I been.

Craig the-rock-star Manning came back for a while. Even though I saw changes in him I also saw the boy I had fallen so hard for back in the summer before senior year. But those days were over. I had university, I had a job, I had Jesse. I had everything I wanted, or at least that's what I had convinced myself. And just as everything was going up, fate payed me a visit and made everything come crashing down. Manny was so wrapped up in wanted her stupid acting role that she must have not noticed a change in Craig, a deadly one. Now, I know that seems a bit unfair, since I didn't even see it, but she was he girlfriend after all. Isn't she the one supposed to know him inside and out? I laughed at that thought. No matter how much she may know him physically, she doesn't know him, not like I know him. That's why I beat myself up for completely falling for it when he said the cocaine was Manny's. The last straw was when I went to find him backstage, since he bailed out on me about going to group, and finding coke in his bag. Oh, did I mention that we _kissed_ and he told me he _loves me_ and I truthfully said it back, only to have him moments later try to convince me not to tell Joey...yeah...well...at least he knows now. Not that I don't suspect that he's known all along, which only adds to my heart having the life squeezed out of it even more.

_She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright_

_for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight._

All of that leads me to now. I'm standing in front of him as he sits on a bench. He slowly looks up with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. But I can't think about that. He played me and hurt me in a way I never thought he'd do.

"You're on the 11AM to Calgary. Joey's waiting for you at the airport." I'm so tired. Tired of trying, tired of fighting for Craig. I think it's time I close this part of my life for good and move on.

"I guess you're here to make sure I get on the plane, right?" He asks. Of course he would. I guess that's all I ever was to him, a safety net, just something to make sure he got on his feet ok and used me for support when he couldn't. Well he will see that that is over now.

"No um Mr. Simpson is. I'm leaving." I say strongly, although I can feel the tears coming. I walk past him, behind the bench. As soon as I do the tears scatter down my face. I suddenly feel a tug and know it's him. I turn around, holding my face, trying to mask the tears. It's no use though, he knows he's wounded me.

"Ellie I know I messed up, badly, but I am glad for one thing. I was finally able to be honest with you. I meant what I said and I've felt that way for a long time." The tears flow freely and my heart is being squeezed to it's breaking point. Craig Manning just admitted that he loves me, and he has for a long time. What did he mean by finally able to be honest? Does he mean that he thought I didn't love him, so he didn't say anything? What could come of this new information. Wait, no. It doesn't matter. That opportunity has passed.

"No just don't. Don't, just...it's beside the point. You need help." Yes, even when he's hurt me the worst he possibly can, and even though I want to just leap in his arms right now and tell him it's ok, that we can be together...I don't, I can't. That would be selfish of me and he needs rehab more than he needs me right now.

"I know, I know. I'm going to rehab or whatever, but when I get out maybe we could..." He's cupping my cheek with his hand and it's heaven. He's offering me something that I've wanted for so long, and yet...I can't. For the first time, I need to do this for me, instead of for him. I'm shaking my head as more tears stream down on my face.

_She must rinse him, she must rinse him_

_she can't rinse him, she can't rinse him._

_She can't, she won't she must rinse him, she can't she won't she must rinse him._

_She must rinse this all away_

_she can't hold him this way._

"Goodbye Craig." I say, officially cutting ties with him. And it's truly the most painful thing I've ever gone through.

_She must rinse this all away_

_She can't love him this way._

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him

and through it all, _I...still love him._


End file.
